


bad days

by chocolatechip



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Deaf Character, Deaf Clint Barton, Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This is really sad, does that make sense? probably not lmao, i really like how i wrote this tho, idk - Freeform, kind of obsessive love???, like from his head, like we see it all from clints perspective, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 09:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16215884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatechip/pseuds/chocolatechip
Summary: Clint has depression and never gets help. Things get bad.





	bad days

**Author's Note:**

> this is really short sorry

* * *

  Clint doesn’t know why he feels like this. All he knows is that he does. Maybe that is the wrong way to put it. He doesn’t know why he can’t feel at  _ all. _ Maybe something is wrong. Maybe he is sick. But… being sick won’t explain why he feels so numb. He can’t be sick  _ all the time. _

  He feels so numb inside… like nothing matters… like nothing ever mattered or ever would. He doesn’t like this feeling; it scares him. But he is used to it, this feeling.

  And  _ oh.  _ There is Pietro. Pietro is warm. Pietro is here, with him. He is always here. Always with Clint. Clint briefly wonders if he ever annoys Pietro, but he dismisses the thought and clings onto Pietro. Thoughts fill his head of what they did last night and he feels his cheeks grow warm.

_   Bodies writhing together, warm, hot, sweaty. _

_   Grasping hands and quick breaths. _

_   Desperate kisses and soft bites. _

_   Pain… then pleasure.  _

_   Sweet, sweet pleasure. _

  Clint lets out a small sigh and his head whirls. Suddenly he feels movement. Pietro wakes and rolls over, facing Clint. Clint sees Pietro talk, but he is too tired to read his lips. Clint shakes his head.

  Pietro smiles. Clint melts inside. Every time he sees that smile… he knows he is safe. Safe, with Pietro. His source of light.

  Sometimes, he doesn’t feel safe. Those are the bad days. The days when all he can think about is the rope in the garage, or the knives in the kitchen, or the pills in the cabinet, or the gun in the basement. He feels alone and scared.

  Those are the days when Pietro is gone.

  Pietro is his anchor. His beacon. His angel.

  Months later, and Pietro is gone. Gone, gone, gone. Pietro left, ran off with another man. Clint is alone. Again. 

  Clint’s mouth is dry and his throat is hoarse. He can’t breath. He scratches at his arms and feels wetness on his cheeks. 

_   Pietro is gone. _

_   Pietro left. _

_   Pietro…  _

  The only thing keeping Clint alive… is gone. Again, he thinks of the rope in the garage, the knives in the kitchen, the pills in the cabinet, the gun in the basement. Again, he feels alone and scared.

  Clint stumbles to the bathroom, mind spiraling. He swings the mirror open and grabs for the pills. His hands shakes as he unscrews the lid.

  He feels the vibrations of someone slamming a door open. He lifts the pill bottle to his mouth. He thinks someone is running. Someone sees Clint with the pill bottle to his lips. Clint notices red hair.

  Red Hair screams and knocks the pill bottle away. Clint feels despair running through him and he collapses into Red Hair.

_   Natasha. _

_   Natasha is here. _

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me lmao i wanted to write something sad


End file.
